Ah yes…. Durfing. A unforgettable BYU past time.
Before we talk about durfing, allow me to introduce myself. Hi, I’m Max Pond. I’m an active mormon, or member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. Here’s a picture of me shortly before I graduated from BYU in 2015. It would be fair to say that while I was there, I may or may not have durfed on occasion.
What Is Mormon Durfing?
Durfing is a slang term used mostly by young members of the church that refers to dry humping. The act of durfing insinuates that two people, clothed (at least below the waist) are moving their hips with the intention of frottage.
It’s typically accompanied by the act of making out, but they’re not mutually exclusive. An outside the church slang word equivalent might be “grinding” or “dry humping.”
Why Do Mormon’s Durf?
To understand why Mormon young adults might engage in durfing, you need to understand a bit about Latter-day Saint beliefs surrounding chastity. The Law of Chastity—a core tenet of Mormon doctrine—prohibits sexual relations outside of marriage. This includes premarital sex, but also extends to sexual touching or arousal. However, human biology and teenage hormones don’t always take religious rules into account.
Durfing has emerged as something of a “loophole culture” behavior—a way for young LDS couples to explore physical intimacy without technically “breaking the law” as they interpret it. While church leaders strongly discourage any behavior that leads to sexual arousal, many youth in the BYU dating scene find themselves toeing the line between obedience and desire.
Is Durfing Against the Law of Chastity?
Short answer? Yes—at least according to official LDS Church guidelines. The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints teaches that not only is sex outside of marriage forbidden, but so are behaviors that arouse sexual feelings outside of a marital relationship. That includes passionate kissing, touching private parts, or grinding, even if both parties are clothed.
So while some students at Brigham Young University might justify durfing as not quite sex, it clearly falls within the realm of chastity violations according to church doctrine. In fact, BYU’s Honor Code explicitly forbids behavior that is “sexual in nature,” and violators can face academic consequences—including suspension or expulsion.
Durfing, the BYU Honor Code, and Mormon Guilt
If you grew up Mormon, chances are you know the emotional cocktail that comes with doing something you “technically” know you shouldn’t: guilt, anxiety, justification, repentance, repeat. The culture of modesty and purity can make even small physical expressions—like kissing or cuddling—feel morally loaded.
For many young adults, durfing becomes a source of confusion. Is it a mistake? Is it just part of learning boundaries? Can it really be that bad if everyone else is doing it too?
For some, these questions become a turning point in their relationship with LDS teachings on sexuality. For others, it’s just one more quirky chapter in the unique world of Mormon dating culture.
Final Thoughts: A Cultural Snapshot
Whether you see it as a moral failing or just a hilarious footnote in BYU folklore, durfing is undeniably part of the unwritten social history of Latter-day Saint young adulthood. It speaks volumes about the tension between religious values, physical attraction, and human development.
In other words, it’s very Mormon.